I thrive on negative attention. I was bullied a lot as a kid. Beaten up. Chased. Tortured really.
Eventually I turned to coping techniques. Food was the only one that was easily accessible. So I ate. McDonald’s, pizza, once… I ate an entire dozen donuts in one sitting. As soon as I could, I turned to drinking, smoking weed, smoking cigarettes… haven’t quit most of those yet.
When I was 11, a boy picked me up and body slammed me onto concrete. My body ached, my head rang.
At 12, the same boy put his dick in my hand and whispered that he liked me…but I could never tell.
At 24, he had sex with me on my mother’s couch. But only after he made me promise that I would never tell. I could never tell.
He taught me that I was to be hated in the light and fucked in the dark.
I learned, when he hurts you…he likes you. If he hates you, he wants you.
I dated so many bullies that I still don’t know the difference. I can’t believe you love me until you curse me. Until you shake me. Until you hate me. Until you leave me.